ALT-ered Beast!

by: ALTernate on the 1992 ALTlympic Team

Launched in 1991, there was no more ALT video game console than the Sega Genesis. Nintendo and Atari both had their heyday the 80s (along with hair metal, cropped jeans, and perms), but the early 90s was the exclusive domain of Sega.

Super Nintendo was sort of like “Stone Temple Pilots” to the Genesis’ “Pearl Jam.” Sure, it was almost as ALT in retrospect, but no one that was truly ALT at the time took it seriously.



And while many remember Sonic the Hedgehog, the iconic side scrolling adventure akin to Super Mario on about 10 cups of Seattle-brewed coffee, the most ALT title of them all was the one that originally shipped with the console—ALTered Beast.

From Wikipedia:

Altered Beast is a platform/fighting game that puts the player in control of a centurion who had died in battle. The centurion has been raised from the dead to rescue Zeus' daughter, Athena. The player battles undead and demonic hordes, controlling the shapeshifting hero. He must defeat several levels in order to save the kidnapped goddess. The game takes place in a setting resembling Ancient Greece, complete with gods, temples and ruined Ionic columns.

But basically the game is about transforming into a beast that destroys zombies. In essence you must ALTer yourself to beat the game/destroy the zombies. In fact, the more ALT you become, the more powerful and awesome you are. This game, more than that hippie mushroom eater Mario, teaches a valuable life lesson.

For example, getting some Docs and flannel would make you pretty ALT. Getting some Manic Panic and dying yer hair blue would make you even more ALT. However, to truly reach the pinnacle of ALT-dom, one must get some piercings and tatoos, so as to be invincible against the zombies (mindless jocks and preps, see also: “mains”).

So, to conclude: transform yourself into an ALT beast, or become a Zombie.